Regret
by DeadlyFandoms
Summary: "...her world became all about Bert and she didn't mind it…until she realised how much of an affect it was having on her...That was when she understood her feelings and knew exactly what it meant. She had fallen for him..." / They say it's the things you don't do that you regret the most... (Mary/Bert one-shot) [COMPLETED]


**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Yes, I know, another Mary Poppins oneshot, BUT, this one is very different to the ones I've written in the past, so I'm hoping it will provide a of diversity amongst my work...since most of my other Poppins stories follow somewhat similar themes.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy what I've done with this. It was somewhat inspire by "Secret" by TheWitch'sCat and "The Story" by DarlingPretty - two fabulous stories by two fabulous authors, so please check them out.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Regret**

Mary and Bert had been friends since childhood, they had grown up together and stayed together until adulthood. They became so close as the years passed; in fact, they were all but inseparable when she was in London and would always find themselves together on her days off…and when she had her charges with her too. They got to the point where they always knew what the other was thinking and what they wanted, they could communicate without words…they became each other's anchor, each other's world. They had a special sort of bond, the kind of bond that made their hearts do somersaults at the very thought of spending time together; for a while, they couldn't quite put their finger on what that meant, but they knew they never wanted it to end.

Bert was always the first person she sought out when she was in London, even before her charges, employers or even her uncle, her world became all about Bert and she didn't mind it…until she realised how much of an affect it was having on her. One day, she became very conscious of the fluttering in her stomach and the speed of her heart, the way she felt weak when she looked into his eyes…the way the world went white when they danced together or how she could barely breath when he sang to her. That was when she understood her feelings and knew exactly what it meant. She had fallen for him.

She distanced herself quickly, not so that it was overtly obvious, but just enough to avoid causing any pain. Of course, Bert had noticed this and had tried on many occasions to ask her why she found it hard so look at him, why she started to wait longer and longer before seeking him out. Why their jolly holidays became less frequent. She never gave him an answer, at least not on that he could understand. It drove him insane, he was so convinced that he'd done something wrong or that he'd somehow ruined their relationship…he became stricken with paranoia, for he wasn't sure if he could ever live without Mary Poppins. Yet, as the years continued to pass, Bert saw less and less of his practically perfect best friend, a woman that he had fallen for oh so many years ago. Then one day he met a girl. She was a mutual friend and they had met when she had accompanied one of the sweeps to their regular rooftop dances; the sweeps had noticed Mary's absence and how much it seemed to hurt him, so, they had decided to introduce them.

Even though Bert's mind was still entirely focused on Mary, he couldn't deny that he and this knew girl hit it off very well. He thought nothing of it at first, he hadn't been instantly captivated with her like he had been with Mary, but there was something there; something that he was curious about. So, even though his heart still belonged to the magical nanny, he sought out this new girl on a few occasions and had to admit that he enjoyed his time with her. Of course, he did still see Mary – she hadn't cut herself out of his life for good – but the occasions were rarer. On one of those rare encounters, Bert had mentioned this new girl and noticed how Mary's face clouded over protectively. But Mary, prim and proper as ever, simply brushed away her feelings, gave him and forced smile and told him that she was delighted that he'd met someone.

About a year later, he married her. Mary knew then that she'd made a huge mistake, that her own actions had caused her to lose her best friend. She hated herself. She had, out of politeness, attended their wedding, and she regarded it as the most difficult thing she'd ever done; her heart ached the entire time and it was all she could do to not quietly weep as she watched Bert promised himself to another woman. Instead, she sat there, smiled and pretended it was all okay. But then, she wondered why she should feel so betrayed, after all, she had never been romantically involved with Bert, she had never told him about her feelings…so, she really only had herself to blame. Yet, she could've sworn that when he was asked if he took the woman as his wife, that he hesitated for a moment and looked straight into Mary's eyes. But she could never be sure, and over time she convinced herself that she had imagined it, that she had wanted it to happen and thus made it so in her mind. It was easier to think that.

So, there was no more dancing for Mary. No more jumping in to pavement pictures, no more of anything. There was no more Mary and Bert. He had his own life now and she was not about jeopardise that with her presence. When she landed on the London rooftops, there was no one there to greet her, no lopsided grin, sweet song or caring hug…there was no Bert. As a result, there was no more Mary. He new charges never would've known it, but she was bluer, her smile rarer and her world almost entirely grey. She didn't sing as much and she had no need to visit the park…and her jolly holidays were no more; she didn't want to jump into pictures if they hadn't been drawn by Bert's loving hand. She hadn't truly realised just how important he was to her.

She saw him once, on a chilly November afternoon as she landed on an empty London rooftop, she looked down to the street and saw him, his wife's hand entwined with his own and her stomach swollen from the unmistakable condition of pregnancy. She had to fight back tears and find a way to soothe the ache in her heart…the feeling so akin to the organ being stabbed and shattering to dust. The heavy ache that presented her with an inability to breathe. Only now, when it was too late, did she realise just how much she had loved Bert, that she had loved him for so very long and suspected that she would continue to do so. She had known that he had loved her too, or at least had some feelings for her; but fear had made her push him away. She feared that she could not have given him what he wanted, feared the uncertainty of their future and feared loved itself.

Now all she had was regret. Some days she didn't even want to leave the house. Some days she just wanted to cry. She tried so hard to be happy for Bert, but she was stricken with an ugly jealousy. She never thought that she'd want the life of a wife or mother, but now she'd give anything to trade places with the woman he'd wed; to be the one to call herself Mrs Alfred. But instead of that title, instead of a ring, a husband, a child or a home; all she had was her loneliness. Funny, she thought, loneliness implies an absence, yet it was something she had in palpable abundance. No, she didn't have a family.

She had regret.

 ****!****

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES: Please don't hurt me! Okay, I'm very sorry if that hurt you (I assure you it hurt me too) but I really wanted to do something different, something other than romance and even though it's sad, I'm quite proud of the way this one came together. I really hope you agree.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that and I'd love to hear your thoughts!**

 **I'll be updating "A Life Worth Living" and "A Thing Of Beauty Is A Joy Forever" soon as well as posting new Mary Poppins stories/oneshots, so keep your eyes peeled if you're interested!**

 **See you soon! xx**


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